Foster Parent FAQ

Foster Parenting

Are you adopting?!?!?

Well, yes. And no. There are a million and one things that happen when a kid is in foster care. Adoption is the very last one of those things. While we are happy to provide a forever home we also do our best to support reunification.

All that to say, we don’t know. We take it one day at a time. He is here today and we will love him the best we can today.

That must be so rewarding!!

Not really.

Ok, I kindof kid. Some days it is. When they make progress that no one thought they could. When they laugh and smile at you for the first time. When your voice comforts them. When you know they are loved dearly. Those times are rewarding.

We work for a government agency. There is ton of crappy stuff that happens. Our family went through hell and back after an investigation last year and we are still trying to figure out what actually happened. All accusations were found to be “unfounded” but this particular family left a horrible review on our home study for the year. It hurt after we had given so much and supported reunification so strongly. I know that they needed someone to blame for all the crap that they went through but it still feels very personal.

So that part is not rewarding.

They are so lucky to have you! 

No. We are lucky to have them. End of story.

All that extra money must be nice! 

Ha! I get $10 a day. A DAY. For the equivalent of two full time jobs. That kindof covers the diapers and the formula that WIC doesn’t.

That must be so hard! I don’t know how you do it! 

I agree. I don’t know how you would do it either.

(just kidding… remember the day at a time thing… that applies here too)

Isn’t it so sad that he doesn’t get breastmilk? 

I get it. I nursed my two biological kids until they were at least two. But here’s the thing- breastmilk tainted with drugs that start with the letter M (or any letter really) isn’t all the great. Formula keeps them alive and healthy and for that I will be grateful. It’s not so bad. I promise.

I heard about this case in so and so state… 

Not helpful.

What do you need?

Lots of things. I personally could just use some sleep. We all need help with meals. People love to drop off food when you have a baby. Not so much with foster kids. We’ve gotten one meal gifted to us in the three foster placements we’ve had. One meal. Three kids.

We need people to watch our kids for the endless doctor appointments. We need someone to listen to us vent. We need someone to text at all hours. We need a hug. We need the questions to stop when we clearly can’t respond. We need help with housework. We need date nights with husbands and pedicures with friends and bottomless wine.

What don’t you need?

We don’t really need your old clothes. We don’t need any more plastic toys. We for sure don’t need any blankets. Whoever you are that keeps making them, please stop.

We also don’t need too many questions. We aren’t really supposed to talk about a lot of details and I always feel rude by saying that. Things change daily and what I say one day may vary greatly the next time I see you. Be ok with that. It’s not your kid. It’s not even my kid.

This was not intended to be a passive aggressive rant but rather one I thought a lot about. I’ve been asked these questions more than once on many different occasions and that’s why they made the list. 

Do you have more questions? I would love to answer them.

(Mostly seriously)



2 thoughts on “Foster Parent FAQ

  1. I get all of what you wrote- and I wish I could deliver meals – but you know where we live – five miles from you know who and where. So pray I can – and is there anything else I can do here to help you there – you know – I am a good listener – whether it is text or chat or phone. You have had a soft spot in my heart for about fifteen years – yes – when we moved here. Oh weren’t those the days! Lauren – you know how to find me. Much love to you – and name what you need – from there to here and here to there.


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